My New Year Theme

I have never been very good at making New Year's resolutions let alone keeping them but I know it's a good thing to set goals and follow through with them.  When I was the Stake Primary President, the Stake Presidency would always come up with a theme for the year for us to give our talks on when we visited the various wards. Well, I decided my year needs a theme. I have really really been struggling the past month with feeling the blues and feeling sorry for myself and our situation and just wishing we could live a normal life like everyone around us seems to be doing. I realize that I have not been enduring my afflictions with very much patience or with very positive thoughts lately.   Last week we all caught a bad case of the flu which nearly did me in with stress, lack of sleep, etc..Anyway,  like I said, I have just been struggling with enduring my trials with patience and staying positive. Part of the reason I have been struggling I believe is because I haven't been doing very good at my part of staying in tune with the spirit. Those Sunday school answers of saying our prayers and reading our scripture and temple attendance really do impact our every day lives. I know for me it makes a huge impact on how I feel inside and out.  It affects my attitude and outlook on life.

Sunday Reflection

It's been over a year since I have posted on this site.  I am just sitting here thinking how crazy my life has been and how different it is from what I ever had planned.  It is just a testimony to me that God is in charge of my life.  It is a testimony to me that I need to try my best to align my will with His.  I know that if I do His will that He will take care of me and my family.  I am reminded of the scripture in 3rd Nephi 13:28- 33 

" 28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin;

 29 And yet I say unto you, that even Solomon, in all his glory, was not arrayed like one of these.

 30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, even so will he clothe you, if ye are not of little faith.

 31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

 32 For your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

 33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you."

Heavenly Father knows me.  He knows my needs.  In all of my trials He has supported me and cared for me in innumerable ways.  He has blesssed me  and my family with things that we didn't even know we needed.   I am truly grateful.  

We will be having our 3rd child in just a few weeks.  Even though I feel the ill effects of the pregnancy and I know it's real...I am still kind of in shock that we are having another baby and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.  I have been nervous about how much our lives are going to change....again.  I'm nervous about trying to care for everyone and keep myself healthy emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  Amidst these anxieties, the Holy Ghost reminds me of this scripture almost daily.  He reminds me how much Father in Heaven has taken care of me and carried me through my trials.  I have been thinking lately about how when Kary had his stroke I was 37 weeks pregnant.  I had been feeling tired and miserable before his stroke and thinking back on it I am amazed that I was able to make it through without having an early delivery with the stress I felt at the time. God gave me the strength and the courage I needed to carry on.  There is no doubt in my mind that He gave me the strength to endure that time in our lives.  I could not have made it through without His help.  I feel to exclaim as Ammon did in Alma 26:12, “Yea, I know … as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things..."  

So yes, things will be hard when the baby comes but I know God will help us through just as He has always...every single day of our lives... helped us through each day.  

Through this pregnancy I have been kind of a big whiner and mean and ornery.  I'm sick, I hurt, and I just feel miserable.  And some days I really struggle staying positive.  Then I look at Kary and am amazed at how he endures patiently every day.  He can't see, he hurts all day long, he can't walk, he can't do any of the things he used to enjoy such as camping, driving, 4 wheeling, motorcycle riding, he can't run and play with his children like his heart yearns to do...the list goes on and yet he is so patient and kind.   I know that Heavenly Father has given him the strength to endure all that he endures.  I know it's so hard on Kary and sometimes it is really really hard to watch how he must suffer in so many ways.  But Kary's faith is firm.  He is a great example to me.  I'm grateful that Heavenly Father helps strengthen Him every day too.  

I have talked on Facebook about how the plan of Salvation brings me peace and comfort.  I just thought I would put up a basic outline I found of how I, as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, understand it.  This is from the website of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

In the premortal existence, Heavenly Father prepared a plan to enable us to become like Him and receive a fulness of joy. The scriptures refer to this plan as “the plan of salvation” (Alma 24:14; Moses 6:62), “the great plan of happiness” (Alma 42:8), “the plan of redemption” (Jacob 6:8; Alma 12:30), and “the plan of mercy” (Alma 42:15). The plan of salvation is the fulness of the gospel. It includes the Creation, the Fall, the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and all the laws, ordinances, and doctrines of the gospel. Moral agency, the ability to choose and act for ourselves, is also essential in Heavenly Father's plan. Because of this plan, we can be perfected through the Atonement, receive a fulness of joy, and live forever in the presence of God. Our family relationships can last throughout the eternities.

Additional Information

We are participants in Heavenly Father's plan, and our eternal experience can be divided into three main parts: premortal life, mortal life, and life after death. As we come to understand the plan, we find answers to questions asked by so many: Where did we come from? Why are we here? Where do we go after this life?

Premortal Life

Before we were born on the earth, we lived in the presence of our Heavenly Father as one of His spirit children. In this premortal existence, we attended a council with Heavenly Father's other spirit children. At that council, Heavenly Father presented His great plan of happiness (see Abraham 3:22-26).

In harmony with the plan of happiness, the premortal Jesus Christ, the Firstborn Son of the Father in the spirit, covenanted to be the Savior (see Moses 4:2; Abraham 3:27). Those who followed Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ were permitted to come to the earth to experience mortality and progress toward eternal life. Lucifer, another spirit son of God, rebelled against the plan and “sought to destroy the agency of man” (Moses 4:3). He became Satan, and he and his followers were cast out of heaven and denied the privileges of receiving a physical body and experiencing mortality (see Moses 4:4; Abraham 3:27-28).

Throughout our premortal lives, we developed our identity and increased our spiritual capabilities. Blessed with the gift of agency, we made important decisions, such as the decision to follow Heavenly Father's plan. These decisions affected our life then and now. We grew in intelligence and learned to love the truth, and we prepared to come to the earth, where we could continue to progress.

Mortal Life

We are now experiencing mortal life. Our spirits are united with our bodies, giving us opportunities to grow and develop in ways that were not possible in premortal life. This part of our existence is a time of learning in which we can prove ourselves, choose to come unto Christ, and prepare to be worthy of eternal life. It is also a time when we can help others find the truth and gain a testimony of the plan of salvation.

Life after Death

When we die, our spirits will enter the spirit world and await the resurrection. At the time of the resurrection, our spirit and body will reunite, and we will be judged and received into a kingdom of glory. The glory we inherit will depend on the depth of our conversion and our obedience to the Lord's commandments (see Kingdoms of Glory). It will depend on the manner in which we have “received the testimony of Jesus” (D&C 76:51; see also D&C 76:74, 79, 101).  (1 Corinthians 15:40-41)

Blessings through Knowledge of the Plan

A testimony of the plan of salvation can give us hope and purpose as we wrestle with the challenges of life. We can find reassurance in the knowledge that we are children of God and that we lived in His presence before being born on the earth. We can find meaning in our present life, knowing that our actions during mortality influence our eternal destiny. With this knowledge, we can base important decisions on eternal truths rather than on the changing circumstances of life. We can continually improve our relationships with family members, rejoicing in the promise that our families can be eternal. We can find joy in our testimonies of the Atonement and the Lord's commandments, ordinances, covenants, and doctrines, knowing that “he who doeth the works of righteousness shall receive his reward, even peace in this world, and eternal life in the world to come” (D&C 59:23).

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Does God Exist?

For me, the answer is an undeniable YES!!  Many will say, "Well you just believe it because that is what your parents taught you and you are too narrow minded to believe anything else. You live in your little Mormon bubble and haven't experienced the things of the world to know any better."

Yes I was taught to believe in God our Father, and our Savior Jesus Christ. Yes, I went to church every week with my family even if there were days that I didn't necessarily want to. Yes, for a time I believed what I was taught because my parents believed and wanted me to believe it. There comes a time in every person's life when they question the things they believe. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.  I don't remember how old I was exactly but I think it was around probably fourteen our fifteen that I wanted to know if the things my parents taught me about the Restored  gospel of Jesus Christ was true. I thought about the story of Joseph Smith and how he as a young boy wanted to know which church to join. There was so much confusion for him as each church he visited had different interpretations of Bible passages. He wanted to know which church taught the truth and then join up with that church. He read in James 1:5 that says,^aIf any of you lack ^bwisdom, let him ask of God, that ^cgiveth to all men liberally, and^dupbraideth not; and it shall be given him."  
So he did pray to God and received an answer.  I decided if he could pray and receive an answer then I could too. I did pray and received an answer.  We are taught that the  Holy Ghost testifies of Christ and helps  us know the truths that were taught by Christ. We are taught the fruits of the Spirit or the Holy Ghost so  that we know when he is testifying truth to us.  When I prayed, I felt peace in my heart and felt love all around me. I knew this was answer to my prayer that what I was learning was true.  I had a desire to follow Jesus Christ. I have tried my whole life to live as God would have me live. I fall short every day, but the desire is there and the atonement of Jesus Christ that allows me to repent and be forgiven is real.  Because of the joy I have felt through living the gospel and because of the love and forgiveness I have received, I desire to share it with others. In Mark 16:15 Christ taught his disciples, "Go ye into all the world, and ^apreach the ^bgospel to every^ccreature."   It is our responsibility as followers of Christ to share our testimonies of Christ and his gospel.  I don't ever want to offend anyone and have them think I am trying to push my beliefs on them, but I want them to know that out of love for them that I desire to share this great gift.  The gift of love and peace that only our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ can give. So many people struggle in their lives to find peace.  I know that if they find God, they can find peace.

When Kary had his stroke, my faith took a beating from the storm. I questioned everything all over again. I wondered how God could have let this happen when I have tried my whole life to be good and serve him. I questioned whether  God existed because if he did, surely he wouldn't have allowed this to happen to my family. But then I remembered and thought back in all the times in my life that I felt His presence.  I Remembered how he had answered my prayers in various ways at other times in my life..  THERE was no denying what I had experienced then.  I realized that God was with me. HE WAS carrying me and giving me strength that I could not have received from anyone else, nor could have mustered up the strength on my own. I felt His love for me. I continue to feel His love for me. Everyday. He brings me peace and comfort. He drank the bitter cup for me. He took upon himself my sins, my pains, my sorrow, and my suffering so that I don't have to suffer and so that he could succor me in my times of need. There is nothing He does not understand because He descended below us all. He suffered all.  This I know and am so grateful for because I have HOPE in Him!

Why do people wish to deny the existence of our Great Creator?  To me, it is like a child turning from the parents who gave them life and not acknowledging how they came to be.  It would break any parent's heart to have their child turn away from them and never want anything to do with them.  
Hampton Keathley IV, co founder of bible.org said this about why people deny the existence of God, "When people deny the existence of God, whatever reason they give is just an excuse under the real reason, which is, (I don’t want to be responsible to God. I want to do whatever I want.)"
I have kind of thought that about people who deny God. If there is no God, there is no eternal consequence to my actions for good or bad so I will eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow I will die!

My invitation to anyone who is questioning the existence of God and truly wants to know, that they should study God's words in the Bible  and Book of Mormon, ponder on it, then pray to God and ask Him to let you know He is there and I promise you will know of a surety, as I know, that He lives and He loves you.

Prophets and Apostles

I recently watched the last episode of "The Bible" that aired on the History Channel. It was about the atonement, sacrifice, and resurrection of Christ and how the people rejected Him.    It also told the story of the apostle Paul and how he was called of God to be a witness of Christ.  I have always been amazed by that story.  Anyways, it has had me thinking about how since the beiginning of time God has called men as prophets to teach His gospel. (Amos 3:7) From Adam, to Noah, Moses, etc...Then of course, Christ came himself to teach the people and fulfill His purpose in God's plan.  He called apostles to help preach His gospel as well.  Also since the beginning of time men have misinterpreted God's words and corrupted God's laws.  Even though God called these prophets to teach His word and call men to repentance they were rejected by those who were supposedly believers of God and Christ.  Why would they reject those men who were called of God whom they confessed to believe in?  They even rejected Jesus Christ himself.  Why did they not recognize the Savior or why did they not recognize the men that had been called by God.  This is an answer I do not know and have often thought upon.  I do have an answer however of how they could have known for themselves if they had had the desire. We find the answer in James 1:5

"5 ^aIf any of you lack ^bwisdom, let him ask of God, that ^cgiveth to all men liberally, and ^dupbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

6 But let him ^aask in ^bfaith, nothing ^cwavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed."

 So we can ask God himself if we want to  know truth. Christ also taught the apostles that the Holy Ghost would be a witness to us of His teachings. John 14:26 
"26 But the ^aComforter, which is the ^bHoly Ghost, whom the Father will send in my^cname, he shall ^dteach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you"

God will let us know the truth of all things by the power of the Holy Ghost. Awesome! So how do we know when the Holy Ghost is witnessing to us? Galatians 5:22-23 

But the ^afruit of the ^bSpirit is ^clove, ^djoy, ^epeace, ^flongsuffering, ^ggentleness, goodness, ^hfaith,

 23 ^aMeekness, ^btemperance: against such there is no law." 

So if you are hearing or reading something about Christ or about His gospel, the Holy Ghost will let you know if it is right. For me I always get a feeling of peace when I recieive a witness from the Holy Ghost.  It is hard to describe but I just feel good inside and know that it is right in my heart.

It is my testimony that we have prophets and apostles in our day just as in days of old.  We have the opportunity to hear them speak this weekend.  I invite all of my friends and family to listen to their words and ask God in faith if they are true and if they are indeed called of Him to teach His gospel.  I have had my own testimony from the Holy Ghost that it is true.  I have a desire to share this blessed knowledge with everyone.  We are so blessed to have a living prophet to guide us in these last days.    Please tune in this weekend.  There are 4 different sessions that you can choose from or you can choose them all.  Even if you tune in out of pure curiosity...do it!!!  You will recieve a pure witness from the Holy Ghost if you ask in faith. Of this I know!

 

A Little Tangent and Roller Coaster Rides

I was thinking the other night about my life.  I was thinking about how different my life has been from what my expectations of my life would be when I was younger.  How different God's plan for me has been from what my own plan was.  Different in some ways but I guess in the most important matters such as family and faith they are the same.  My ultimate goal was to have a family and raise them to be active in our faith and gain strong testimonies of our Father in Heaven and His Plan of Salvation and never stray from it.  (Got a little ways to go before I know if my kids will stay true but I will try to do my best to teach them to love God and to help them understand how much He loves them and wants what is best for them and to teach them the importance of obeying His laws and how if they do that, obeying will bring them the greatest blessings and the greatest peace and happiness._  Anyway went off on a tangent there for a sec.  Back to God's plan and my plan.  My plan was to go to 2 year  college, graduate, meet the man of my dreams,  get married at 19-20, have ten kids and live perfectly happy forever after.  God's plan so far for me has been go to college, serve an 18 month mission for our church in California, work for 2 years, work more and go back to school for another 2 years, and then at 27 get married.  Have first child with a somewhat complicated pregnancy that possibly put Colton at risk of not making it full term.  Then struggle to get pregnant second time for 3 years.  Life was still very good and wonderful but just missing the opportunity to have another child.  Then miraculously we got pregnant with Chelsea and felt extremely blessed.  Nine months later Kary has his stroke that turns us upside down and around.   Which gets me thinking about roller coasters.... (But before I go on about roller coasters I have to get back to my original thought about how glad I am that the plan I had all worked up at a young age isn't God's plan.  His plan has turned out so much better!)  Back to roller coasters...

I LOVE roller coasters and we have all heard of how life is like a roller coaster.  Well, shoot, it really is.  Ha ha! Ups and downs and arounds.  I love the anticipation when I first get on and I don't know what I'm in for.  I love how it starts out slow and then speeds up and then whisks us around and up to the sky and then that pit in my stomach I get right as I reach the top of the roller coaster as I anticipate, and dread at the same time, the drop that I know is coming and I get kind of nervous and scared. And then the screams come flyin' out of my mouth as I feel like I'm dropping to my death but before I hit I'm whisked back up again and then sometimes it does the loopy loops and I'm turned upside down and get confused as to what right side up is but eventually figure it out as the coaster sets right side up again  Yeah, life IS like that.  Despite the fear I sometimes feel during the ride, in the long run I thoroughly enjoy the ride and anticipate riding the next one.  Lately I have been kind of been more like dreading rather than anticipating what God's roller coaster ride is going to have in store for me next.  Kary's stroke was definitely a downfall and yet at the same time we have felt that feeling in your stomach you get when you fall that makes you want to laugh and cry at the same time.  We have felt to cry, we have suffered, and yet we have reason to rejoice and have witnessed many blessings and miracles that make us smile. I am really going to try and make a conscious effort to anticipate and look forward to the ride I'm on...anticipate the ups and the downs and look at it as a good challenge for learning and growth as I know in the end when the ride is done, after having hung on for dear life and thoroughly enjoyed the ups and endured the downfalls and loopy loops I will look back and realize what a fun ride it has been after all.  Yee-haw! 

Look to God and Live

I don't know why but I have been reflecting a LOT on my experiences I had as a missionary 13-14 years ago. I have been reading in my journal and thinking a lot about the people I came in contact with and was blessed to teach. I have also been watching a show called "The District" on BYUtv. So great as it helps remind me of the experiences I had teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ to His children. I was blessed to serve as a missionary for 18 months in the Carlsbad, California Mission. I truly loved the people I came in contact with. I loved my companions and learned something from each one of them. It was such a great blessing in my life to be a missionary and serve others. It was hard but so worth the joy and blessings that I received. Teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ truly brings me joy. I am reminded of this scripture: D&C 18:15 "And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!" It is a blessing to see how the Gospel of Jesus Christ changes lives.

Here is a small excerpt from my missionary journal I feel like sharing as it actually helped remind me what I need to be doing more of these days.  Some days it's hard to see past the right now and easy to feel nervous about the future.  Don't get me wrong we are happy, but sometimes I just wonder what the future holds and how much longer Kary has to suffer physically.  I can't see the big picture and sometimes I just wish I could see beyond the present.  I need to remember what I wrote here:

 I'm out sitting on the trampoline in the backyard. I'm looking around me and I can't believe I'm in California...me...a small country girl...in the middle of this big city. Palm trees all around me, houses all around me. I am used to wide open spaces and being able to see all around me and I feel very cooped up and almost trapped because I don't know what is going on around me. I can't see.   I realize that the only way for me to see anything is to look up. I guess that is how my life is. When I feel there is nowhere to turn or I feel like I'm not going anywhere, the only thing I can do is look up towards God and rely on Him to help me see the big picture and trust in Him because He is the one who can see the WHOLE picture. He knows what is best for me in my life. Look to God and LIVE!"

Anyway, I have just had some wonderful experiences with regards to my mission and someone I taught and met with then in the last few days that would take a really long time to share but it is another witness to me that God knows His children.  He knows our hearts.  He knows our thoughts.  He hears our prayers.  He answers them.  So grateful!